Remembering this day...

Time passes so quickly...life is so short. But many of us never really pay attention to the small things in life that truly matter. How often do we let life pass us by without truly enjoying that beautiful sunset...the beauty in a child's face...or the love of someone one close that we totally take advantage of? So many times we get caught up in the who, what, where, when, why, and how of life that we forget to taste, smell, see, feel, and hear the things that are most important in our lives.

On this day, eleven years ago, life for me came to a screeching halt in a way I never thought could happen to me. I was at home enjoying my new baby. She was four weeks old and the angel I had been wanting for so long. There were three miscarriages in seven years, several rounds of fertility drugs, and many ups and downs before she came to us. Laura was beautiful the minute we saw her magical face, rosy pink lips, and her gobs of coal black hair. She looked at us with her dark eyes and worked that magical tongue of hers. There wasn't much crying from her just a look of amazement and wonder. If only I had known to look and pay attention to this awesome moment in our lives...to not let it go...that one look of seeing his face when he saw her too for the first time.

If only I had payed more attention to that wonderful smell and taste of his steak he only knew too well how to grill. We had so many Indian summer days that fall...hanging out on the back patio...grilling and talking. Another thing...talking...talking with him about his life, travels, experiences, fishing, hunting, Navy life, the things he saw in other countries he visited...where he wanted to take me one day in our future...the west coast of Africa. To him there was no other place like it on the earth.

If only I had payed more attention to that voice of his...his laugh, the way he teased his nieces and nephews. He was a kid at heart and loved to entertain them. He loved to hang out with them...do silly stuff with them, lay on the floor and watch Bambi with them, go fishing with them and help them experience the things that were so precious to him, and chase them around the yard on those beautiful crisp Spring days during the Easter egg hunts. He loved kids...and you Laura was the one he loved the most!

If only I could have more hugs, more kisses, more hellos...more dances on the living room floor. More days ...more hours...more minutes...more seconds. But, God wanted him for something more...maybe more help with the kids that are taken too soon...maybe helping with the dogs who leave us too soon...or maybe with cooking some good ole steaks on the grill? We will never know why...until we meet him again.

Laura...this is for you...and even though he was with you for only a short four weeks of your life...he loved you. He thought you were the cats meow...he would come home at lunch just to check on you. He couldn't keep his hands off you in the mornings before leaving for work...but knew better than to wake a sleeping baby!! He was very proud of you and I know he is still proud of you! I know he watches you each and every minute of the day. He's your guardian angel and always will be...I'm sorry he's not here with you on this earth, but I couldn't think of anyone better to watch over you!!!

Matt...we miss you, your family misses you....06/22/64-12/7/99.